Kathlyn's Stockings and Ornaments

Hello my sweet!
I just wanted to show you some of the things I have for you around the house! Mommy has FOUR stockings for you Kathlyn. That's right my baby, you are so special you get to have FOUR! One that says Katie, which matches Daddy's! One that says Kathlyn, and two that are PINK for a baby girl! Your friend baby Lauren, and her sisters Meghan and Nicki, used the pink one with the snowman when they had their first Christmases, and their mommy wanted you to have it. She gave it to me when yo were still inside of me, but we knew you were going to be a girl! So sweet! I think I might put it up every year for you anyway, baby girl, even when it isn't your first Christmas anymore. Because you are still my baby, forever! I also wanted you to see all the pretty angels and ornaments we have for you. You will just have to wait until Christmas to see the presents!

Love you forever,
Mommy

Christmas Presents to honor Kathlyn

Hi angel,
I miss you! Mommy is so sad that you aren't here to celebrate the Christmas season with me. I know I would be buying so many nice things for you, and that makes me so sad. I have to remind myself that you have EVERYTHING you need where you are. I still wish you were here.. you are still my baby. Kisses for you my angel.. kisses forever and ever.. I hope even though you have everything you need and more, that you can still feel my kisses.... they are part of it, right?! Part of all that love you feel where you are? I hope so, princess. Mommy loves you so much!

I want to show you all the things that I bought for some little girls who might not have everything a little girl should have for Christmas like Daddy and I would have been able to provide for you, our sweet little princess. Mommy tried to pick out some of your toys to give to those girls, but I just couldn't do it! I want to keep your toys for now. They remind me of you... they are YOURS. I am not ready to give them away, my sweet. So I bought some new things instead. The first picture is for a little baby named Katherine and she is 3 months old... that is almost your name and almost your age.. isn't that sweet and perfect, baby girl?! I thought so. Her name was on something called an "Angel Tree" which people can buy things for little children in need. Those were your diapers, and that is your little pink outfit and your little brunette angel there. The rest, Mommy bought for sweet little Katherine, to be from you, my sweet little Kathlyn! I hope she loves her things, even though she will never know they came straight from the sweetest little baby angel there is! The little dolls, when you push their bellies, say "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, angels watch me through the night, and keep me in their blessed sight, Amen." Mommy thought that was so perfect! I bought the blonde baby for her, and the brunette one dressed like an angel to keep in your room.


The second picture is also for little children in need, but I don't know their names or their ages, baby girl. Maybe you can peek and find out for yourself! They are just for a special group called "The Empty Stocking" and I decided to buy all baby toys again so it can be all from you. That sweet little baby purse is something that I have for you in your room! I am so sad you never got to play with it. I hope you are playing with something like that where you are, with the other little girl angels. I hope I hope I hope it is fun for you! But since I didn't want to give yours away, I just bought another one to give to the empty stockings. I hope it makes another little girl somewhere smile on Christmas. That little whale rattle also reminds me of you, because you had other things that were the same animal print... whales, monkeys, lions, penguins, giraffes, fishies, polar bears.. lots of cute little animal things for my Kathlyn! So that little whale rattle is from you, too!


I love you so much princess! Christmas is still a few days away, I know I will write to you again.. but I hope you have a big party with Jesus on that day. I am so glad you are getting to know Him, since He saved your life! My sweet little angel is safe and cozy and waiting for me because of Him. What a special baby girl you are! You are still my baby! Kisses to you!

Love you forever,
Mommy

Hi princess,
I love you! That is all. You are still my baby.

Kisses,
Mommy

Ocean Size Love for Kathlyn

I know what I'm doing may be dumb
I know I should not be staring at the sun
But the thought of you leads me to temptation
It's the same whatever side you're on
Separated we are delicate and small
And the space between needs our attention

I see you right in front of me as close as you can get
And I pray that you won't leave this daydream yet

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

I don't have to worry anymore
If I really need you I'll go to the shore
And the thought of you there is my protection

I see you right in front of me
A vision in my head
And I know this is as real as a daydream gets

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

You make no sound but I can hear you in the wind
I can see this never ends
Like the sea
Like you for me

And it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

And it might seem much too far to get back to where you are
But it's close enough with an ocean size love
So if you can't reach out to me
Send a sign across the sea and I'll pick it up with an ocean size love

Love you forever my princess,
Mommy

4 months

Hi Princess!
I love you! Today you would be 4 months old.. what a big girl, you are growing so fast! Are you a newborn baby still, or are you 4 months old now? Mommy has so many questions! Remember, I don't understand what it's like where you are.. you will teach me all about it someday. What a big job for a little baby, teaching her mommy everything she knows! I wish I could take care of you, but you will take care of me instead. Mommy is so sad.. but I will be ok with it sometime baby girl, try not to worry. Mommy hopes you don't ever have to worry where you are. Or ever have to cry either. How many people get to go through life on earth and never ever cry?? That was you, my precious angel. I wish you were here with me.. and when you would cry, I would take care of you and get you through it and try to make it better. But now I can only hope you never have to feel sad or scared like I do.. I will cry enough for the both of us, my darling little heart.
I haven't written to you in a few weeks, I'm sorry baby. You know I think of you every day anyway.. every minute even! I knew I would write to you today, as I will always write on the 30th of each month, your special day. Except for February! February only has 28 or 29 days.. so I will have to write to you on the first of March instead!
You must have known that I would write to you today.. and you decided to write to me first! When I looked at my receipt from my breakfast at work this morning, I saw your name at the top! It said Katie! Usually I throw my receipt away right away at the trash by the register.. how did you know baby, how did you know I wouldn't throw it away today?? And that I would see your name! I was so happy to see your name, especially on your special 4 month birthday. You are amazing, Kathlyn. You do so many special things for me. You knew I would love to see that today. I felt like you were saying "Hi Mommy!" I love you too, princess. You are still my baby! Miss you all the way to the sky a million times.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Hi sweetie,
I miss you so so much Kathlyn. Did you see that little baby I was taking care of at work? She was just your age! She was already holding up her head so strong, looking all around the room at everything, and she could even stand when her mommy held her up! WOW! My precious little Katie would be such a big strong girl already, yes you would! You would be kicking your little feet and smiling at Mommy when I give you belly kisses and tickles. How I long for that Kathlyn. I wonder so much what you would look like and what you'd be doing. I miss you baby, I miss you. It's a sad, difficult feeling that I can only hope that you've never, ever had to feel. I always remind you my sweet princess, that I don't understand what it's like where you are. I don't understand because I believe that you miss Daddy and me, and Gram, and Grandpa and Grandma D, and all your aunts and uncles and cousins and all of Mommy's and Daddy's friends who would have loved you so much. If you miss us, is that a sad feeling for you? I don't want you to be sad. I am sad enough for all of us. I know you don't want me to be sad, but I can't help it my darling. I want you here with me. You are my precious little baby and I love you with all my heart. It is so sunny and warm here today even though it's winter. And I wish you were here with me so we could enjoy the sunshine together. But that is another thing I can hope for.. that ALL the days for you and Granddaddy are uncloudy. And that when you miss us, it doesn't hurt. And that you're never sick with disease and suffering like that little baby I was taking care of at work. That is my wish and my hope for you, sweetheart. I would rather you were here with me... and I would get you through the hard times and the sickness... take away the pain when I could. But Mommy doesn't have a choice. Mommy doesn't always get what she wants. So that is my wish for my beautiful, perfect baby daughter, my angel baby forever. My princess Katie, you are still my baby, forever and ever. Kisses to the sunny sky for you. Send me something pink again soon, it warms my heart to think that you are with me.

Love you forever,
Mommy

what else is there?

Hi Princess!
I just wanted to tell you that I love you. That is all, my sweet angel... that I love you and that I miss you. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy