Friday, April 30, 2010

9 months

My dear precious little girl,
Mommy loves you! My sweet, beautiful little princess, my Katie-cat, I love you so so much. I'm sorry I never showed you those Easter and birthday pictures I said I would. Mommy has been so sad this month since your baby sissy went to heaven. I don't like to write to you as much when I'm sad, because I know you want me to be happy. It's not that I didn't want her to be with you, my sweet. I'm glad that she has you and Granddad. But it made Mommy very sad again that I didn't get to keep her. I love you both so much! I know you will take care of her and teach her everything you know. Mommy didn't get to find out if she was really your sister or your brother. That made Mommy so sad too, my darling. But I felt in my heart that she was a girl just like you. Another beautiful, precious daughter. Someday, I will find out for sure, when I meet both of you again. If Little Cherry is actually a boy, tell him I'm sorry! Silly Mommy! I would have loved him either way... I DO love him either way, and I know you do too. Give Cherry Baby kiss every day for Mommy! And hugs too! Kisses, hugs, tickles, everything that makes sisters feel special and happy. Run around together, ride bikes, have tea parties, play with dolls, hopscotch, color, chase dragonflies and lightning bugs, anything you want, I know where you are, it's all yours. I wish I was there to see it with you both. Mommy loves you so much!
Nine months since I lost you, my sweet Kathlyn. Mommy is so sorry I couldn't fix it. I didn't know baby. I would have done anything to save you, to keep you safe and warm and loved. My precious beautiful girl, I miss you so much. All the sad mommies have a hard time when their sweet babies have been gone for 9 months since that is how long a pregnancy is. They always say "now the baby has been gone for as long as we had the baby here." It's so hard for Mommy, baby girl. Really I spent my whole life without you, but now I don't know how to go back to living without you, since I got to know you so dearly. I miss you so much, I miss all the sweet baby things you'd be doing. You'd be laughing so much, sitting up, crawling, eating real food. Mommy just can't believe it, Kathlyn. I know you have everything you need where you are, but I still don't understand. What's it like where you are? Are you a newborn baby forever, or are you 9 months old now? What does Little Cherry look like? Does she look like you? Is she much smaller than you, or are you both the same size... Mommy's prettiest little newborns..
Miss you baby. Give sissy an extra kiss for me right now. Sleep tight and wait for us my sweet. You are still my baby.

Love you forever and ever,

Monday, April 19, 2010

Hi Baby,
Mommy is very sad missing you, and a very special someone I hope you are showing around and taking good care of. Give Little Cherry a big kiss for me. You are still my baby, and tell Cherry that too.

Love you forever,

Monday, April 5, 2010

Mommy's Birthday

Hi baby!

It is just the end of Mommy's birthday.. and I am soooo tired my Kathlyn. Daddy and I had a nice, busy day today, and since I'm carrying your little brother or sister now (do you know which it is?! Send me a sign my baby!) I get even more tired. I also spent all day today singing to you special songs while I was on the bike.. Did you hear them babygirl? And as always, I spent every minute missing you and using all my birthday wishes on wishing and wishing and wishing you were here... Mommy is so tired Kathlyn, so so tired. Did you see all your Easter presents? I will show you here tomorrow in case you can't see them where you are, and so all your friends' mommies can see too. I hope you can see and feel just absolutely everything I do for you already anyway babygirl. You are so special, and still my baby.

Love you forever,

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Baby's First Easter

Baby girl..

Mommy loves you so much, and is so sad today without you. Mommy and Daddy are going away for the day, and we will be back tomorrow after my birthday. I hope I feel better tomorrow baby girl, after some nice time with Daddy, so I can write to you again. Missing you today, tomorrow, and every minute. I wish you could have stayed, we would have had so much fun together. So, so sad.. but you are still my baby.

Love you forever,

Thursday, April 1, 2010

My sunshine..

~The other night dear, as I lay sleeping, I dreamt I held you in my arms... when I awoke dear, I was mistaken.. so I hung my head and cried.. you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you'll never know dear how much I love you, please don't take my sunshine away~

Love you forever Kathlyn,