Thursday, September 30, 2010

14 months

Hi baby,
I miss you! What a beautiful 14 month old toddler you would be now. You'd be walking and saying words and everyone would think you were just the cutest and sweetest little princess ever! You still are, I just know you are. For how beautiful my baby girl was on earth we cannot even fathom what you look like in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't write to you much this month Kathlyn. I have been so busy and sleepy with work and with growing your new baby bubby or sissy, that I haven't been writing as much. But that does not mean that I don't think of you every second while at work, resting, planning for bubby or sissy, or even while sleeping! You are so important to me, whether I am writing or not! This month for October there are many special things done to honor you and your angel baby friends. It keeps Mommy going to honor you, my princess. I love you so much! Are you 14 months old now, or are you still a newborn baby forever? What about Sissy? Is she a newborn or just a special little soul to love since she never got to grow into newborn like you? Mommy wishes she understood what it's like where you are. Mommy wishes she could have taught you some things before you got to go learn it all. I would have done my very best for you Kathlyn. I'm so sorry you didn't get to feel my love on the outside. I didn't know. Can you feel it now? I hope so. I hope love and learning and happiness is all you will ever know. You are too special to deserve anything less. You are still my baby! Miss you more than is possible.

Love you forever,

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Just for you

I couldn't sleep, baby girl. I miss you too much.

You're still mine, and I love you forever.

underwater she breathes,

she blooms,

without light,

with sound, with love.

in transparent silhouettes

she is photographed,

bloming perfection, love

hopes, dreams.

light of heaven becomes her

not the light of earth as expected

gentle, comforting sounds and touches

love even more eternal than a mother's.

above water

i can't breathe.

with sunlight

i no longer bloom.

all i hear is the cries of

brokenhearted mothers

struggling to breathe

to walk

to understand

to be understood.

we failed

and we were failed.

succeeding only at loving our babies.

leaves turn

snow falls

cherries blossom

birds take flight.

i breathe,

a different air than before,

air above water,

air she never felt.


she breathed,

occupied the space

under my heart

with love.