Saturday, July 30, 2011

2 years

Sweet sweet birthday to you Kathlyn!! MOMMY LOVES YOU!!!

I miss you so much baby. Today you would have turned 2 years old. Are you two years old now in heaven, or are you Mommy's newborn baby forever? I look at your sweet newborn photos every day. You are so beautiful! I wonder if that's what you'll still look like when I get to see you again, or if you are growing into a beautiful toddler, little girl, teenager, and woman. Oh how I wish I wish I wish you were doing that growing here on earth with me and Daddy and baby sister. Yes there are hard times here on earth, but we'd get through them together and the wonderful times, like birthdays and celebrations, would make it worth it. I miss you so much baby. So so so so sososooooooooososososososososososoooooooooossssssssssooooo much!!!

We decided to do CUPCAKES as the theme to your birthday! Did you see all those cupcakes? Sister wore all cupcakes and ice cream all week for you (and we have more for her to wear still!) We broke a cupcake pinata and had ice cream bubbles and cupcakes plates and napkins! It was all pink and girlie... just like my baby girl would have loved. I wonder if you were here, what kind of party you would have wanted. Mommy would have let you pick whatever you wanted. I also saw a size 2T cupcake pink dress and a matching one for Glory. I wanted to buy it so badly for you, for your sweet birthday dress. I would give anything to have you here my love. It's just not right that you are gone.

We sent you some pink, purple and white balloons! I hope you caught them! And we also sent one more pink one up right at 6:28 when you were born.

Love you forever my sweet. You are still my baby. Kisses to the sky every day for you. Sleep tight and wait for us.

Miss you so much,

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Hi babygirl!
Mommy just wanted you to know that we sent out all the invitations to your birthday. We still haven't picked out the theme for the party, but I think it will be pink puppies! I have to ask Daddy what he thinks! I wish you were here to help us pick it out. We missed you on the 4th of July, too. Baby sister wore a few of your things, and it made me miss you even more. I love you so much my sweet daughter. You are still my baby!

Love you forever,

Thursday, June 30, 2011

23 months

Dearest Kathlyn,
Hi babygirl! Mommy is so sorry she didn't write to you at 22 months. You know it doesn't mean I don't love you, or that I forgot the 30th that month. You know I think of you every day and every minute, I just didn't get a chance to write that day. Mommy will always, always love you, and always, always grieve for you, Mommy has just found different ways of grieving and honoring you besides writing. It's kinda similar anyway to when babies are alive and being raised... Mommies usually say how many months old they are, but once they get near 2 years, some mommies don't count it in months anymore. So really that just means to Mommy, that I don't grieve you any more on the 30th of the month than I do every other day of the month. So I probably won't be writing specifically to you on the 30th anymore. But I will still write to you sometimes. Keep listening for Mommy's songs and thoughts and prayers for you every day though! Mommy loves you so much, and Daddy too. We wish you were here with us enjoying our summer. And it is so very hard to plan your birthday celebration without you. Would you want pink princesses? Or puppies? Or Sesame Street? Hello Kitty? Or maybe owls and birdies? I wish I knew what all your likes and favorites were, so I could plan your party around it. I wish I got to know you more than as just a newborn baby. Are you a newborn baby still, forever and ever, or are you 23 months old now? To me, you'll always be my perfect little newborn, though I imagine and long for the 2 year old you, too. You are still my baby! Kisses to the sky forever my love.. sleep tight and wait for me.


Monday, May 23, 2011

Oh one more thing! Mommy forgot to ask if you got the balloons we sent you last week! We sent up pink balloons with little butterfly notes for you. We were with the other Compassionate Friends Mommies and Daddies sending balloons to all of our angels. Your little friend Kylie and her Mommmy and brother were there too and sent balloons. You are so very loved by so many. I hope you gave the red balloon to Cherry Sissy!

Miss you always. You are still my baby!

Love you forever,

so much in May

Hi Baby girl!

So much has happened this month that has made me miss you. Well, I miss you every minute! But it just feels like extra things have happened that make Mommy and Daddy long for you even more. On Mother's Day, Baby Glory wore one of your dresses.. she looked so sweet. Mommy wishes you could have worn it first. I know you would have looked beautiful too! She also wore her "little sister" bib to honor you. You are always part of our family and Mommy slips you in, in great ways and in small! I hope you have pretty dresses where you are, too. I know you must... but just remember, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like where you are.

The day before Mother's Day, Mommy and Daddy and Glory went to the Strawberry Festival! It was such a beautiful, warm and breezy day. We were sitting amongst all these cute little families and everyone that passed us by said how cute Glory is. Mommy and Daddy wanted to tell all of those people about our first baby, too. We wished you were there dancing around to the music like the other toddlers. You would have been our little busy girl! Wanting to walk and be free and mobile like toddlers do. Mommy got a special necklace that day with a "K" and a "G"... to honor both my sweet precious baby girls.

Mommy was also missing Granddaddy this month. The day he died passed us by, May 15, and coming up is May 26, his birthday. Please give him extra special kisses this month, for me and for Gram! She misses him so much. We all miss you and him every minute, but May is especially Granddaddy's month.

There was a very silly man here on earth who said that on last Saturday, everyone who believes in Jesus was going to go home to heaven. This isn't what the bible says. The bible says no one knows when it will happen. So Mommy and Daddy didn't believe what this silly man was saying. But of course anyway Mommy was thinking that if that happened, I would get to see my baby girl! I was smiling thinking how Mommy, Daddy, Glory and Kathlyn would all be together and we would be in one big forever hug in heaven with Jesus and everyone who loves Him! Mommy prays for you every day, sweet girl. I am so glad you are safe where you are, but I still wish you were here. Someday we will all be together again where you are. Until then, I will miss you every minute. You are still my baby. My first little daughter. Kisses to the sky for you my angel. Sleep tight and wait for me.

Love you forever,

Saturday, April 30, 2011

21 months

Dear Kathlyn,
Mommy loves you! I miss you so much baby girl. 21 months without you sounds so long. Today we did something very special for you.. the March of Dimes walk! We did this last year too. This year your baby sister was with us. We had special pink puppy shirts for you.

Missing you always, my baby girl. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,


Friday, April 15, 2011

Just wanted to say I miss you. My heart aches when I think about you and all the other babies who died before their Mommies and Daddies got to know them. It's such a sad, sad world. I have to rest in knowing that it's beautiful and happy and safe where you are. Remember, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like there. Is it beautiful, baby girl?? I hope it is.. with lots of pink and roses and clouds and rainbows and candy and toys... all for my baby. I miss you so much. I wanna pick you up and throw you in the air and spin you around so you laugh. You'd be big enough for that now. I'd laugh with you. And Daddy too. He would just love playing with you like that. It would have been so wonderful.

I love you Kathlyn Joy. You are still my baby.

Love and miss you forever,

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cherry Baby

Please give your Sissy a kiss for me today. It was 1 year ago that we found out she went to heaven to be with you and Jesus and Granddaddy. We love her, she is still our baby and she was wanted too. Take care of her for us. Mommy, Daddy, and Glory love you both so much. You're still Mommy's babies!

Miss you millions,

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Mommy's birthday

Hi Katie!
Oh how Mommy wishes you were here for my birthday. I wish you were here to wake me up with a big jump and a hug and kisses. Your smile would be so big and I bet you'd even be big enough to SAY happy birthday to me now! I wish you could have come shopping with us, and then were here to have pizza with us and our friends, and you'd be playing happily on the floor with the kids your age while Mommy and Daddy have our bible study. I miss you so much, baby girl. Also any time I'm laying with Glory and Daddy I want you to be there too. Then I see your little lambie on the bed with us and it makes me smile. Miss you more than ever and I wish you were with us for all the celebrating. Really I miss you for ALL things! I wish I wish I wish.. I just keep wishing. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

20 months without you.

My heart is broken. I love you, Kathlyn. You are still my baby.

Always and forever,

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Hi Katie-cat!
Mommy misses you! Today your baby sister is 1 month old, and I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you. I wish I had my little 1 month old and my little 19 month old here with me. We would have so much fun together. Sisters and Mommy and Daddy. And the puppies too of course! I miss you every day, every minute, every second my princess. Time has gone so slow without you, but since your sister is here, it has gone so much faster and Mommy is realizing exactly what we missed with you. I wish I got to nurse you, and see your eyes, and hear you cry. I wanted to change your diapers and dress you up and take you for walks and teach you how to do puzzles. I miss you so much. I just pray that you are safe and warm and happy where you are. I love you so much pretty girl. You are still my baby! Kisses to the sky for you forever.


Monday, February 28, 2011

19 months

Hi sweetie,
Mommy loves you! I remember telling you last year how there's no 30th in February. So there's not an exact special day for me to write to you, except just on the last day of the month. But I bet where you are, you already know more than Mommy! So you already understand about all the days and months of the year. I miss you so much baby. I wish I was the one who got to teach you all those things. Please send Mommy something pink so I know you are safe. I love you! You are still my baby.

Love you forever,

Thursday, February 24, 2011

My beautiful baby girl,
Mommy loves you! I miss you so so so so so much! You know Mommy has been so very busy with your new baby sister, Glory Joy! Her middle name is after you! She looks a little bit like you, but not exactly. When I look at her with a hat on, she reminds me of you. You have similar eyes and mouth and nose. We think you look more like Daddy and Glory looks more like Mommy.. you are both the most beautiful babies I have ever seen! The most beautiful babies in the history of the world and of heaven and earth! I miss you more than ever, Kathlyn. I didn't know I could miss you more, but I do. I miss you as a newborn like your sister. I wish we had a chance to nurse together and wear all your cute clothes and go for walks and that you and Daddy could get to know each other. You are my first baby, yet I didn't get to learn how to do anything with you. I am so sorry baby girl. Mommy tries to remember that you are safe and happy and warm and loved where you are.. you have everything you need, more than Mommy could ever imagine. But it is so hard for me here without you. Remember baby, I don't understand what it's like where you are. I pray all the time that you are ok and not missing out on anything... only Mommy is. And that makes Mommy very sad. But I can still love you with all my heart! And my biggest hope is that you can still feel that love. You are still my baby! Kisses to the sky for you, princess. I love you!

Miss you millions,

Sunday, January 30, 2011

18 months

Baby girl,
Mommy loves you! 18 months feels like a big milestone.. it's your half birthday! I can't possibly spend a minute and a half without you, how a whole year and a half?! Are you a big girl now, a sweet little walking and talking little toddler, or are you my newborn baby forever? I wish I wish I wish you were here. Remember, Mommy doesn't know what it's like where you are, but I know you'll show me some day! I love you!

How different my life would be if you were here Katie-cat. I am about to have your little sister and I know you'd wanna be Mommy's helper but you're still so little, it's hard to be pregnant with a toddler at your feet! You know what though sweetie? It's HARDER without your toddler with you, much harder, and I would trade anything anything anything to be even more tired than I am now because I'm loving on you too and giving you everything you need. I wonder what you'd like to eat, what you'd like to watch, play with, if you'd always wanna take your shoes off or if you'd like your carseat, or baby dolls, pooh bear, puzzles, which books you'd like, which songs you'd know and how long your hair would be. I wish I knew all those things baby doll. It has to be enough to know that you're safe. But I miss you more than I can handle! Mommy loves Kathlyn so much! I'm so sorry you couldn't stay, baby girl. I would have done anything to save you. I'm trying so hard for your sister Glory. I know she'll miss you too, she'll miss having that big sister to be best friends with. We love you princess! You are still my baby.. kisses to the sky for you.. give some to Jesus and Granddaddy and Sissy Cherry for Mommy, ok?

Love you forever,