Saturday, January 30, 2010

6 months

Hi Kitty Kat!
Today is your half birthday! I can't believe it.. time goes so slow for Mommy, I think it is that way for lots of people who are sad and longing for someone they love, baby girl. So sometimes it seems like you would be much older than that. But sometimes Mommy can't believe you would already be 6 months old - you're just a tiny baby! Are you 6 months old now where you are, or are you a newborn baby still? Remember princess, Mommy still doesn't understand what it's like where you are. Time goes slow for me but I bet time isn't something you are concerned with. I just hope you are safe, sweet angel. Thank you for sending me little signs here and there that you are. They make Mommy feel so much better. I hope you are beyond what is considered safe here on earth. I hope you are just even more spectacular and beautiful and happy than I could ever imagine. I still wish you were here. I would have kept you safe and beautiful and happy and we would have been spectacular together.

Yesterday Gram and I went out and bought some special pink pretzels and pink jellybeans to eat for your special day. Daddy loves those jellybeans! Silly Daddy! A big strong man like Dadddy eating all this pink stuff! We also got some flowers from Auntie Larisa delievered right to our door. Wasn't that sweet! She loves Mommy and you so much, she knew Mommy would think of you when I looked at the pretty pink flowers. The petals are so soft. I know if I let you touch one, you would put it straight into your mouth! My sweet baby, all these special little things I'm missing are just as sad as the big things. My sweet 6 month old little Kathlyn, putting everyting in her mouth. Mommy would say "oh no! Too many germs!" Silly Mommy. Always worried about everything. I also bought for you a special music box. The pretty music plays so sweetly and reminds me of a baby mobile. It says on it "Dear Daughter, you're always in my mind, even when we're apart.. remember, you are my sunshine, you're so dear to my heart, love always."

I am also missing you especially today because we got lots of snow for the first time this winter. I would have bundled you up and taken you outside to see the snow. I'm sure you would have put the snow in your mouth too! Maybe you wouldn't like it because it's tooooo coooooold. Buuurrrrrr, baby girl! Poor little cold pink nose and pink fingers! But if you cried I would give you hugs and kisses and take you inside where it's safe and warm. Anything for my sweet Kathlyn. I took a picture outside on the deck of your name, just for you, and I put some of the flower petals all around it. Some of Mommy's friends are taking pictures of your name too! You are so loved, Kathlyn. So many people think of you every single day. You are such a special baby! Can you feel it? I hope, sweet princess. I hope you know how very loved you are. Kisses to the sky, my angel baby. Kisses and tickles and beautiful snowflakes and pink things and hugs and tears and more kisses forever and ever. You are still my baby. Miss you with all my heart.

Love you forever,

P.S. Your puppies got their pawprints on your name, sorry baby! Silly puppies! They don't like the cold very much! Especially not Pepper! He shivers out there! Deputy doesn't mind as much but he'd rather be inside with Mommy and Daddy.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Baby girl,
Nothing can take your place. Nothing can make it better.

I am upside down without you.

I hope you're ok princess. I miss you, but I hope you're ok where you are. Please be ok where you are. I'm so sorry baby, Mommy so, so sorry.

All this heartache over one pretty little baby, my cherry on top, my Kathlyn Joy, the joy of my life, my long awaited, my sweet little bundle, the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

What will I do without you precious, what will I do?

You're still my baby.

Love you forever,

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Helping Preemies

Hi baby girl!

Missing you today as always. Say hi to sweet angel sisters Carly and Hannah for me, and give them a kiss for their mommy, Rachel. She is trying to help babies here who are sick in the hospital. So I am going to leave this little video for as many people to see as possible. I know you wouldn't mind that I'm using your space to help other little babies. And, you're still mine.

Love you forever,

Preemie Onsie Drive

Click above for the address.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Thank you, Kathlyn. I'm glad you are safe. I love you so much sweetheart. You're still my baby.

Love you forever,

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Hi Katie,
I love you, and I'm so sorry. I didn't know. If I had known, I would have done things so differently. I would have given my life for you. I hope you didn't suffer, not even for a nano-second. Send me something pink tomorrow if you didn't suffer, and so I know you're safe. I know you angels like to do things on your terms. But please Kathlyn. Mommy misses you so much. If this is the way it has to be, where the universe has you taking care of me instead of the other way around.. then so be it. Something pink, my little princess. I will be watching.

You are still my baby.

As always,