Monday, August 31, 2009

1 month

Hi Katie!
Happy 1 month birthday! I hope you can feel how much Mommy misses and loves you, baby, but not how sad we are that you aren't here. Thinking of my beautiful one month old baby today and everyday.. kisses for you, lots and lots of kisses for my angel.
Love you forever,

Friday, August 28, 2009

Hello sweet girl,
Mommy misses you so much! It has been a hard two days because Daddy went back to work, so now I have to miss him, too. I hope you will help keep Daddy safe while he is at work. Did you wave goodbye to Daddy when he left, did you blow him kisses, did you pretty girl?! I imagined that you did.. he would have kissed you goodbye and I would have lifted your sweet little arm and waved and made you say in a squeakly little girl voice, "bye bye Daddy, I love you, be safe!" And I bet Daddy would have had to come back and get one more kiss after that, yes he would have! Because you are Daddy's pretty girl! And I know every night when he came home, he would have come straight to you for a kiss! I would have been a little jealous of you, isn't Mommy silly! Mommy can't compete with such a beautiful baby girl for Daddy's heart! Daddy's little girl, that's what you are, and will always always be. Mommy's girl too! That's right, Mommy's girl forever. I miss you Kathlyn. Gram was giving me hugs today while I was sad and she tells me that God is with you, and He's telling you how much Mommy loves you. Remember, Mommy doesn't understand about where you are, so I will always ask questions to you my baby. Is Gram right, is God telling you how much I love you? I hope He is. I am sending you so much love, but I want God to tell you too. I love you! I love my angel Kathlyn, my very own beautiful angel! Kisses and tickles for the beautiful baby. Can you send me some smiles? I wanna see your smiles Katie. I never got to see you smile, you were just too little when I met you to smile yet. I wonder again and again, are you 4 weeks old now, or are you a newborn forever? I wonder if you were here, what would you be doing now? Would you have smiled yet? Would you only want Mommy to nurse you, or would you be letting Daddy and Gram feed you with a bottle? You'd be so cute peeking out at Daddy from behind a bottle, so so cute my girl! I want to see those beautiful blue eyes looking at Daddy's blue eyes too. Such a pretty baby girl with beautiful blue eyes, that's Mommy's girl. I wonder if time would be going much faster than it is. Time is going slow for Mommy. But I bet it would be going faster if you were here. That's what other mommies say.. that time goes very fast when the children they love so much are growing up. So maybe by now, you would already be a year old! I imagine you getting all messy with your birthday cakes, isn't that silly?! What a cute little girl you'd be with your big pink birthday girl cake. Everyone would be taking your picture a hundred times and Mommy would have to show off ALL the pictures, because they would ALL be cute and I couldn't pick a favorite. I imagine you with cute hairbows and cute little girl shoes. I imagine you getting on the bus as a cute little school girl with a brand new first day of school dress every year. And I imagine you being a kind, beautiful, funny, smart, selfless woman one day. I would have taught you to be all those things, and I would have told you about Jesus, and to love God and to love people. All these things Mommy will never get to do with you, my sweet Kathlyn. All these things I won't get to do, but only to love you as much as I can with all my heart, ALL Mommy's heart! I don't have to teach you those things, because now you already know everything about the world. Mommy still knows that you are safe and happy where you are, even though I miss you so much, I am glad you are safe. Give Granddaddy a kiss from me and from Gram. Thank you for being my beautiful baby.. Mommy's beautiful girl forever! You are still my baby!
Love you always and forever,

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Hi Katie Baby!
I just wanted to say hello and give you some goodnight kisses, my pretty girl! I love you! Take some special time today to say hello to Mrs. Carol. She is almost like a distant Grandma to you, she is the Mommy of my very best childhood friend and on this day she has been an angel for 15 years! She is very missed here on earth like you, baby. Give her a hug and hello and a beautiful smile to brighten her day even more! You are so beautiful that I believe you make heaven even more beautiful for the other angels, yes I do baby girl, so so beautiful my angel! Big hugs and kisses and tickles for you. I love you and I hope soon you will do something to make me and Daddy smile.. we need it because we are so sad without you, our precious girl. We love you! We miss you! Lots more goodnight kisses for you angel. And a big, big hug, Mommy needs a big hug. HUG.. HUG.. HUG across the skies and above the clouds and beyond the stars for my baby, yes yes yes, lots of hugs for you, you are still my baby katie!
Love love looooove with another big hug,

Monday, August 24, 2009

Hi my angel,
It is very late and Mommy is so tired but as always, thoughts are of you. I am thinking of your bassinet in the corner of the room and I wish it was right here next to the bed with you inside of it so I could kiss you and watch over you and listen to you breathe. Mommy loves you so much! Daddy too.. he is having trouble sleeping.. I know he is thinking of you too. We love you Kathlyn! Sweet, gentle kisses for you, beautiful baby girl, while you are sleeping peacefully and we are awake, thinking and worrying over you as we would be if you were here.
Love you always and forever and longer than that,

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Hi again sweet girl,
It hasn't been very long since I last wrote to you, but I am thinking about you so much today. This would have been Mommy's special time with you if you were here, so it's hard to think of anything else honey. Did you read my first letter to Granddaddy? Or maybe he has to read them to you, since you are just a baby. You have to remember, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like where you are. Is it so beautiful Katie? Granddaddy liked this one song called "Uncloudy Day" and Mommy thinks it's all about heaven. Is it always uncloudy in heaven? Always sunshiney? I bet it's sunshiney now that YOU'RE there, baby! Yes I bet it is, you are just a beautiful sunshiney angel! Mommy's little angel, that's right. Kisses and tickles for Kathlyn, the beautiful angel. I like to picture your beautiful smile and your little legs kicking like babies do when they're so happy. I try to picture myself talking to you and cooing at you, even though I am so sad without you.. can you help Mommy remember to try to stay happy for you? Can you please baby? I will try just for you. Mommy's beautiful, smiling, happy girl always, that's you my baby! Mommy loves you! So much! And Daddy too! There are so many people who love you and have prayed for you. People who don't even know you and don't even know Mommy and Daddy! Many people have heard our story and prayed for you, Katie, because you are so special, yes you are! So special! More kisses and tickles for you! I just want to scoop you right up and give you hugs and snuggles against my chest. That is where you belong, my sweetest angel. Right here with Mommy, always and forever and longer than that too! Now that you've learned all about heaven and are an angel, I still want to remind you how much I love you and if you were here you would feel that love coming from me. I would have kept you safe and been with you when you were crying. Now you are in heaven and is it true that there is no crying in heaven? Oh my sweet baby, I hope you aren't crying for Mommy. Mommy cries for you, but you don't have to cry for Mommy. You are an angel now, you are safe, my sweet baby girl. I love you! Yes I do, I love Baby Katie! Always always always! Kisses for my baby, kisses everywhere. Give Granddaddy kisses for me too. I miss him too and love him and I wish you both were here. He gives good hugs, I remember, so give him great big hugs all the time, that will feel good for you baby! And I will give good, big hugs to Daddy and Gram and I will think of you every time. Daddy and Gram have blue eyes like you Kathlyn. They are so pretty. I think of you when I see Daddy's eyes. Well I think of you all the time! But especially when I see Daddy's eyes. You can see Granddaddy has big brown eyes, those are Gram's favorite. She thinks of Granddaddy when she sees my brown eyes. But you got Daddy's blue eyes.. you are a little piece of him, yes you are! And a little piece of me too! What am I saying?? Silly Mommy.. Kathlyn is a BIG piece of Mommy and Daddy.. a big big big piece of us forever, yes you are. Mommy loves Baby Kathlyn! Yes I do, I love you forever and ever and ever, you are still my baby!
Love so so much,

Friday, August 21, 2009

Hi my baby,
I miss you so much! I usually don't know what to do when I miss you, which is always. There is another mommy who's baby is another little angel, who writes beautiful letters to him when she feels sad. Actually, she writes to him all the time, no matter how she's feeling! I thought this might be good for Mommy. I want to talk to you so bad, my little sweetie. I have so many questions for you. I'm so sorry you didn't get to stay with me baby. I wanted you, and Daddy did too, and Gram, and Uncle Brian and Uncle Tim, and Aunt Heather, and Grandma and Grandpa D and all your cousins too. You have six cousins! They are mostly boys, twin boys actually! But there is only 1 other girl, your cousin Sydney! The twins are named Reed and Christian, and Will and Aaron, and there is also baby Sawyer. We also have two doggies.. Mommy calls them the "pupsies" sometimes. We have lots of nicknames for them Katie, but their names are Deputy and Pepper. I bet Granddaddy told you all about them already. Or maybe you knew all about them as soon as you got to heaven. My little star, twinkle twinkle little star (Mommy wishes she could sing to you baby!), how I wonder what heaven is like for you. Did you meet Jesus first or Granddaddy? I bet it was Jesus, but I bet Granddaddy wanted Him to hurry up so he could get his hands on you so fast! Granddaddy loves you so much too, I bet I don't have to tell you that Kathlyn. He was a wonderful, wonderful Daddy to me and Uncle Brian and Uncle Tim. He was kind and gentle, and funny, and passionate and loving. I bet his mustache tickles you when you get kisses, does it baby girl? I bet it does. Mommy loves you so much, I wish I could give you kisses too. I wanna kiss your face and your hands and your belly and your stinky little feet and your whole body! Can you feel that baby girl? Can you? I hope you can, I hope, I hope. Your little feet were so cute and so long! So long like Daddy's. Daddy has monkey toes and so do you Katie! They were sweet little toes, I love them. I loved all of you my baby, yes I did. I am so sad you are not here with me, I miss you so much, so much. I am just going to pour it all out onto you somehow, the only way I can right now. There is so much Mommy doesn't understand. I bet you know more than Mommy already and you are only 3 weeks old! Are you baby, are you 3 weeks old now? Or are you a newborn forever? Part of me hopes you get to grow and be with your Granddaddy (he will take care of you now, don't worry baby, since Mommy and Daddy aren't there, Granddaddy will keep you warm and safe with God. Really I guess God is taking care of you forever, God and Jesus.. but I don't understand how it is baby. Maybe you can tell me someday. But I bet God and Jesus have lots of people to take care of, but Granddaddy, he is ALL YOURS!). But also part of me wants you to stay a baby until I get there so I can take care of you and watch you grow. I don't know when I will be there, my sweet baby. Right now I have to stay here with Daddy and someday we're gonna have a sister or a brother for you. But you are still my baby. Still our baby, Kathlyn forever and ever. We love you so much! Kisses and tickles to you baby! I am so sad without you, but I will try to stay happy for you. That's what Daddy and Gram say to me (and lots of people!), that you'd want me to be happy. So I will try. It's all for you my baby, my Katie. You are still my baby!
Love you and miss you forever,