My dear Kathlyn,
I miss you so much.. I'm sorry I didn't write to you on Christmas; I mostly just slept all day to get over missing you for your 2nd Christmas. I cried and cried for you at church on Christmas Eve.. were you there baby girl? Were you with Mommy? I hope you were, but I wish I wish I wish you were on my lap in your sweet Christmas dress and shoes. I still can't believe it baby girl, everything we are missing out doing together. Today is Mommy and Daddy's wedding anniversary.. we will go have a nice dinner just the two of us, but I will still wish you were there. I would much rather have messy pizza with our baby than eat a fancy dinner alone. How could I have survived this long without you baby girl? It's the hardest thing Mommy has ever done. I miss you so much... you are still my baby. Send me something pink today, so I know you're ok. Kisses to the sky for you my angel.
Love you forever,
Mommy
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
16 months
My little joy,
Mommy is so sorry I've gone a whole month without writing! It doesn't matter though, you know I think of you every minute.. and I talk to you too! Can you hear me, sweet princess? I love you so much! Mommy was so sad for you on Thanksgiving. It would have been your 2nd Thanksgiving and we would have taken you to visit Daddy's side of the family. You would have been the most beautiful girl in the room and the center of attention! Well, really you are the most beautiful girl in every room! I know you are the brightest sunshine, the freshest rain, the whitest snow and the coolest breeze. I imagined that you might have been frightened by so many new people, and you would have clung to Mommy so tight! I would have loved that, Kathlyn... my little baby girl hugs... how I miss them! And how I love you! You are still my baby, my toddler, my daughter, my everything. Kisses for Jesus and Granddaddy and Sissy for me, ok princess?
Love you forever,
Mommy
Mommy is so sorry I've gone a whole month without writing! It doesn't matter though, you know I think of you every minute.. and I talk to you too! Can you hear me, sweet princess? I love you so much! Mommy was so sad for you on Thanksgiving. It would have been your 2nd Thanksgiving and we would have taken you to visit Daddy's side of the family. You would have been the most beautiful girl in the room and the center of attention! Well, really you are the most beautiful girl in every room! I know you are the brightest sunshine, the freshest rain, the whitest snow and the coolest breeze. I imagined that you might have been frightened by so many new people, and you would have clung to Mommy so tight! I would have loved that, Kathlyn... my little baby girl hugs... how I miss them! And how I love you! You are still my baby, my toddler, my daughter, my everything. Kisses for Jesus and Granddaddy and Sissy for me, ok princess?
Love you forever,
Mommy
Saturday, October 30, 2010
15 months
Kathlyn,
I love you! I miss you so much. Today you would be 15 months old. Is that how old you are, or are you Mommy's newborn baby forever? I would like to think that you're growing up and that Granddaddy and Jesus are teaching you so many things. My baby girl, how I wish it was Daddy and me who got to teach you. But I know you are safe where you are. I just miss you so much. Tomorrow would have been your 2nd Halloween and much more fun than last year. Last year you would have been too little to go out in the cold. I would have still dressed you up though and taken a million pictures! Because you're the cutest baby in the history of the world! This year you would be able to walk to a few houses and get some lollipops that I would let you eat. But Mommy would still worry and watch you so carefully! I would have dressed you as a puppy or a fairy or a ladybug or a bee or maybe even an angel..
I love you so much Princess... you are still my baby!
Love you forever,
Mommy
I love you! I miss you so much. Today you would be 15 months old. Is that how old you are, or are you Mommy's newborn baby forever? I would like to think that you're growing up and that Granddaddy and Jesus are teaching you so many things. My baby girl, how I wish it was Daddy and me who got to teach you. But I know you are safe where you are. I just miss you so much. Tomorrow would have been your 2nd Halloween and much more fun than last year. Last year you would have been too little to go out in the cold. I would have still dressed you up though and taken a million pictures! Because you're the cutest baby in the history of the world! This year you would be able to walk to a few houses and get some lollipops that I would let you eat. But Mommy would still worry and watch you so carefully! I would have dressed you as a puppy or a fairy or a ladybug or a bee or maybe even an angel..
I love you so much Princess... you are still my baby!
Love you forever,
Mommy
Friday, October 15, 2010
A day to remember the babies
Katie-Cat,
Just wanted to send you kisses. MUAH! Look down at the earth today.. there will be a wave of light going all around the world. It's all for you, baby doll! I hope you can see Mommy's especially. Show Sissy too. Love you forever! You are still my baby.
Always,
Mommy
Just wanted to send you kisses. MUAH! Look down at the earth today.. there will be a wave of light going all around the world. It's all for you, baby doll! I hope you can see Mommy's especially. Show Sissy too. Love you forever! You are still my baby.
Always,
Mommy
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
missing my toddler
Dear Kathlyn,
My heart was heavier than usual last night. Mommy loves you and misses you so much! I think I used to get so sad looking at newborn babies, but now I get sad when I see sweet little toddlers your age. I see mommies at the hospital at work crying for their sick and hurt toddlers, and I cry for you. I'm so glad that you never felt pain and never will, but I would have gotten you through it like all mommies do. I wish you were here with Daddy and me toddling through the pumpkin patch. I bet you would say "ball!" to the pumpkins like most toddlers do! I would have worried that you would fall and bump your head on the platforms the pumpkins were sitting on. Mommy worries about everything! Silly Mommy! Do you get to see pumpkins and pretty fall leaves and drink hot chocolate and eat candy in the fall like we do here? Do you have everything you want and need? Does Granddaddy walk through the pumpkins with you? I hope he does. He missed out on his grandbabies too. He just has you! What a wonderful beautiful grandchild to know! I try to remind myself, Princess, that where you two are, you don't "miss out" on anything. It's just Mommy and Daddy who are sad without you. What a lonely place - every place without Kathlyn is lonely. I lived my whole life before without you, and now I don't know how to live the rest of it that way. I love you so much, baby girl! SO MUCH! I want to hold you and hug you so badly, my arms are still aching. I can trick my arms for a few minutes by holding babies at work, and it warms me up and makes me feel comfort. Are you there, baby? Are you there with Mommy and those other babies? I bet you can tell I'm thinking of you the whole time. My arms are tricked and calmed, but my heart knows, I will never hold you again until I'm up in the sky with you. That is such a heartbreaking sad, the kind of sad I hope that you can't even understand because you've never felt it. Can you feel how much I love you, babygirl? Do you know me, at least a little bit about me? I hope so my little doll. Send Mommy something pink so I know you are safe. You are still my baby! Kisses and hugs to the sky for you, and some extras to share with Sissy and Granddad. I love you, Princess.
Miss you forever,
Mommy
My heart was heavier than usual last night. Mommy loves you and misses you so much! I think I used to get so sad looking at newborn babies, but now I get sad when I see sweet little toddlers your age. I see mommies at the hospital at work crying for their sick and hurt toddlers, and I cry for you. I'm so glad that you never felt pain and never will, but I would have gotten you through it like all mommies do. I wish you were here with Daddy and me toddling through the pumpkin patch. I bet you would say "ball!" to the pumpkins like most toddlers do! I would have worried that you would fall and bump your head on the platforms the pumpkins were sitting on. Mommy worries about everything! Silly Mommy! Do you get to see pumpkins and pretty fall leaves and drink hot chocolate and eat candy in the fall like we do here? Do you have everything you want and need? Does Granddaddy walk through the pumpkins with you? I hope he does. He missed out on his grandbabies too. He just has you! What a wonderful beautiful grandchild to know! I try to remind myself, Princess, that where you two are, you don't "miss out" on anything. It's just Mommy and Daddy who are sad without you. What a lonely place - every place without Kathlyn is lonely. I lived my whole life before without you, and now I don't know how to live the rest of it that way. I love you so much, baby girl! SO MUCH! I want to hold you and hug you so badly, my arms are still aching. I can trick my arms for a few minutes by holding babies at work, and it warms me up and makes me feel comfort. Are you there, baby? Are you there with Mommy and those other babies? I bet you can tell I'm thinking of you the whole time. My arms are tricked and calmed, but my heart knows, I will never hold you again until I'm up in the sky with you. That is such a heartbreaking sad, the kind of sad I hope that you can't even understand because you've never felt it. Can you feel how much I love you, babygirl? Do you know me, at least a little bit about me? I hope so my little doll. Send Mommy something pink so I know you are safe. You are still my baby! Kisses and hugs to the sky for you, and some extras to share with Sissy and Granddad. I love you, Princess.
Miss you forever,
Mommy
Thursday, September 30, 2010
14 months
Hi baby,
I miss you! What a beautiful 14 month old toddler you would be now. You'd be walking and saying words and everyone would think you were just the cutest and sweetest little princess ever! You still are, I just know you are. For how beautiful my baby girl was on earth we cannot even fathom what you look like in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't write to you much this month Kathlyn. I have been so busy and sleepy with work and with growing your new baby bubby or sissy, that I haven't been writing as much. But that does not mean that I don't think of you every second while at work, resting, planning for bubby or sissy, or even while sleeping! You are so important to me, whether I am writing or not! This month for October there are many special things done to honor you and your angel baby friends. It keeps Mommy going to honor you, my princess. I love you so much! Are you 14 months old now, or are you still a newborn baby forever? What about Sissy? Is she a newborn or just a special little soul to love since she never got to grow into newborn like you? Mommy wishes she understood what it's like where you are. Mommy wishes she could have taught you some things before you got to go learn it all. I would have done my very best for you Kathlyn. I'm so sorry you didn't get to feel my love on the outside. I didn't know. Can you feel it now? I hope so. I hope love and learning and happiness is all you will ever know. You are too special to deserve anything less. You are still my baby! Miss you more than is possible.
Love you forever,
Mommy
I miss you! What a beautiful 14 month old toddler you would be now. You'd be walking and saying words and everyone would think you were just the cutest and sweetest little princess ever! You still are, I just know you are. For how beautiful my baby girl was on earth we cannot even fathom what you look like in heaven.
I'm sorry I didn't write to you much this month Kathlyn. I have been so busy and sleepy with work and with growing your new baby bubby or sissy, that I haven't been writing as much. But that does not mean that I don't think of you every second while at work, resting, planning for bubby or sissy, or even while sleeping! You are so important to me, whether I am writing or not! This month for October there are many special things done to honor you and your angel baby friends. It keeps Mommy going to honor you, my princess. I love you so much! Are you 14 months old now, or are you still a newborn baby forever? What about Sissy? Is she a newborn or just a special little soul to love since she never got to grow into newborn like you? Mommy wishes she understood what it's like where you are. Mommy wishes she could have taught you some things before you got to go learn it all. I would have done my very best for you Kathlyn. I'm so sorry you didn't get to feel my love on the outside. I didn't know. Can you feel it now? I hope so. I hope love and learning and happiness is all you will ever know. You are too special to deserve anything less. You are still my baby! Miss you more than is possible.
Love you forever,
Mommy
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Just for you
I couldn't sleep, baby girl. I miss you too much.
You're still mine, and I love you forever.
-Mommy
underwater she breathes,
she blooms,
without light,
with sound, with love.
in transparent silhouettes
she is photographed,
bloming perfection, love
hopes, dreams.
light of heaven becomes her
not the light of earth as expected
gentle, comforting sounds and touches
love even more eternal than a mother's.
above water
i can't breathe.
with sunlight
i no longer bloom.
all i hear is the cries of
brokenhearted mothers
struggling to breathe
to walk
to understand
to be understood.
we failed
and we were failed.
succeeding only at loving our babies.
leaves turn
snow falls
cherries blossom
birds take flight.
i breathe,
a different air than before,
air above water,
air she never felt.
underwater
she breathed,
occupied the space
under my heart
with love.
You're still mine, and I love you forever.
-Mommy
underwater she breathes,
she blooms,
without light,
with sound, with love.
in transparent silhouettes
she is photographed,
bloming perfection, love
hopes, dreams.
light of heaven becomes her
not the light of earth as expected
gentle, comforting sounds and touches
love even more eternal than a mother's.
above water
i can't breathe.
with sunlight
i no longer bloom.
all i hear is the cries of
brokenhearted mothers
struggling to breathe
to walk
to understand
to be understood.
we failed
and we were failed.
succeeding only at loving our babies.
leaves turn
snow falls
cherries blossom
birds take flight.
i breathe,
a different air than before,
air above water,
air she never felt.
underwater
she breathed,
occupied the space
under my heart
with love.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
