8 months

Hi Baby Girl!
Mommy loves you! 8 months... I can't believe I've been missing you for 8 months... it feels like much longer, but I know if you were here with me like it should be, it would have felt like it went very fast and that you were growing into a sweet little toddler with pigtails and teeth instead of my little baby girl. Are you still a newborn, Kathlyn, or are you really 8 months old now? Mommy misses you so much, and I wish I understood what it was like where you are, or what it would be like if you were here.

Thank you Princess for sending me that pink paci when I was in Charleston with Daddy! You knew that Mommy should write your name in the sand that night on vacation; you just knew I should write your name right then, just one minute before I was going to see the pink paci. Just like I did before in October when you sent me that purple paci after I wrote your name with Deputy. You are so sweet to Mommy... you know just what I like to see... anything pink, beautiful, or baby... just like you! The most beautiful baby there ever was. I put a little K by the paci for the picture. Just for you!

I miss you so much Katie-cat. I wish you were here. Easter is coming, and then my birthday, and I wanted you to make a mess with icing and help me blow out my candles. I love you Angel... kisses to the sky for you always.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Pink Cherry Cupcakes for Kathlyn and Ella

Hi baby girl!

Make sure you give baby Ella a birthday kiss today.. and I hope you have some nice yummy pink cupcakes with a cherry on top! You are Mommy's little cherry on top.. and so is your sweet little baby sibling that's in Mommy's belly. Mommy's little cherry babies! I miss you so much Kathlyn.. I wish you were here with me, making me even more tired than I already am. You are so worth being tired for! Missing you more often than every second. You are still my baby. Sleep tight and wait for me.

Love you forever,
Mommy

"When violet eyes get brighter, and heavy wings grow wider, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.. I'll look at the world that I knew, I swear I won't forget you, oh if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear, oh darling I wish you were here."

Kathlyn,
Mommy loves you so much, precious girl. You are my angel baby forever... such a beautiful girl, the most beautiful thing Mommy and Daddy have ever seen. You will always, always, always be our firstborn, always part of this family. We so badly wish you were here with us. We will always save a spot for you at the table, celebrate your birthdays, say your name, and cry for you. You are still our baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy

7 months

Hi Kathlyn,
Mommy loves you! I wonder if there is a reason up in heaven for Granddaddy or Jesus to tell you about time on Earth where Mommy and Daddy are... Remember, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like where you are.. you will have to tell me someday! So I will tell you something about how it is here, even if you already know. The month of February only has 28 days (sometimes 29!)... so maybe in February Mommy won't have to be sad on the 30th. Except that Mommy is sad every day without her little princess Kathlyn. So I still wanted you to get your special monthly letter, even though there's no 30th. So here I am, writing to you on the last day of the month like usual. 7 months old! Wow! You would be doing so much here with Mommy and Daddy, maybe even crawling! You would be too young for me to teach you about the 12 months in the year, or 7 days in the week.. but you are so special in heaven, you get to find out much earlier than other babies here on earth. I still miss you so much though. I wanted to teach you all that stuff myself. We would have had so much fun together. So please baby girl, send me something pink so I know you're having fun where you are.. either with Granddaddy or Jesus or all other babies of sad mommmies who I've met here. Are you a 7 month old, crawling and playing with pink rattles, riding on a swing, getting tickled, putting everything in your mouth? Or are you Mommy's sweet newborn baby forever? Maybe all you need is love and kisses and warm milk and blankets and fancy pink pacis and you are always happy and peaceful. Either way, you are still my baby! Sleep tight and wait for us, my precious love.

Love you forever,
Mommy

My sweet Kathlyn,
I miss holding you against my chest. I miss holding you in my belly and feeling you move. I miss miss miss miss it so much. I want to freeze those moments in time.. just Mommy and Baby K. I love you so much, princess! You are still my baby.. sleep tight and wait for us, baby. Kisses to the sky as always.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Baby's First Valentine's Day

Hi Sweetheart,
Mommy loves you! You are Mommy's little valentine.. I wish you were here so I could give you so many kisses. You're too little for the chocolate kind, although I bet your sweet little teeth that are growing would chomp on them happily! Yes you would baby, you would think chocolate was so sweet and yummy! You would have to settle just for Mommy kisses though. Gram bought you a pink teddy bear for Valentine's Day. She bought the same one for your cousins Will and Aaron in the brown color. I put your K Bib on the bear and I've been snuggling with it on the couch all week. I bought you a little pink puppy since pink puppies make us think of you. Then I found a Mommy pink puppy and a Daddy brown puppy with a pink heart and I just had to have the family of 3 puppies! Daddy fussed at Mommy and said we had too many puppies! But then he bought another one for Mommy anyway since he knows I love anything that reminds me of our little princess.. that's YOU! The most beautiful little pink princess. I wish I could set you up between all your pink puppies for a picture. You would be six months old and just sitting up by yourself~! If you fell, it would be ok because you would land on the pink puppies and they are soft like clouds in heaven! Are you six months old where you are, baby girl? Or are you a newborn baby forever and ever? Remember Katie, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like where you are. You will have to tell me sometime.

I also gave Gram a card from you today. I put the card on the pink bear's lap and when Gram saw it, she said "OH! Thank you Kathlyn!" I "signed" it from you and put scribbles on it like you would have. I wonder if you would have written those marks, or just tried to suck on the pen! Probably both, silly girl! Putting everything in your mouth! So I also ripped a piece off the tip of Gram's card where you would have chewed it. Mommy can't leave anything alone with Kathlyn or the doggies because they will all get chewed to pieces. Oh no, baby girl! Oh no! Oh no! I can just see you laughing when I say "oh no, oh no!" over and over again. Your cousin Reed used to laugh when Mommy said "Oh no!" So I would say it over and over again and he would just laugh and repeat it after me. It was so cute, and I wish I could enjoy those moments with you, my precious daughter.

I also made you your own valentine and so did your friend Josh. He spelled your name wrong! He is too little to spell, so he just put the letters wherever he wanted. I guess he is your little boyfriend. Uh oh! Daddy better watch out!

Oh Katie-cat... we would have had so much fun together.

Kiss Granddaddy for me and for Gram.. let his mustache tickle your cheeks and your sweet fingers... and give Jesus a hug every day because He loves you so much too. You are such a special girl, and you are still my baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Tell Ciaran that his Mommy made this for you!

6 months

Hi Kitty Kat!
Today is your half birthday! I can't believe it.. time goes so slow for Mommy, I think it is that way for lots of people who are sad and longing for someone they love, baby girl. So sometimes it seems like you would be much older than that. But sometimes Mommy can't believe you would already be 6 months old - you're just a tiny baby! Are you 6 months old now where you are, or are you a newborn baby still? Remember princess, Mommy still doesn't understand what it's like where you are. Time goes slow for me but I bet time isn't something you are concerned with. I just hope you are safe, sweet angel. Thank you for sending me little signs here and there that you are. They make Mommy feel so much better. I hope you are beyond what is considered safe here on earth. I hope you are just even more spectacular and beautiful and happy than I could ever imagine. I still wish you were here. I would have kept you safe and beautiful and happy and we would have been spectacular together.

Yesterday Gram and I went out and bought some special pink pretzels and pink jellybeans to eat for your special day. Daddy loves those jellybeans! Silly Daddy! A big strong man like Dadddy eating all this pink stuff! We also got some flowers from Auntie Larisa delievered right to our door. Wasn't that sweet! She loves Mommy and you so much, she knew Mommy would think of you when I looked at the pretty pink flowers. The petals are so soft. I know if I let you touch one, you would put it straight into your mouth! My sweet baby, all these special little things I'm missing are just as sad as the big things. My sweet 6 month old little Kathlyn, putting everyting in her mouth. Mommy would say "oh no! Too many germs!" Silly Mommy. Always worried about everything. I also bought for you a special music box. The pretty music plays so sweetly and reminds me of a baby mobile. It says on it "Dear Daughter, you're always in my mind, even when we're apart.. remember, you are my sunshine, you're so dear to my heart, love always."

I am also missing you especially today because we got lots of snow for the first time this winter. I would have bundled you up and taken you outside to see the snow. I'm sure you would have put the snow in your mouth too! Maybe you wouldn't like it because it's tooooo coooooold. Buuurrrrrr, baby girl! Poor little cold pink nose and pink fingers! But if you cried I would give you hugs and kisses and take you inside where it's safe and warm. Anything for my sweet Kathlyn. I took a picture outside on the deck of your name, just for you, and I put some of the flower petals all around it. Some of Mommy's friends are taking pictures of your name too! You are so loved, Kathlyn. So many people think of you every single day. You are such a special baby! Can you feel it? I hope, sweet princess. I hope you know how very loved you are. Kisses to the sky, my angel baby. Kisses and tickles and beautiful snowflakes and pink things and hugs and tears and more kisses forever and ever. You are still my baby. Miss you with all my heart.

Love you forever,
Mommy





P.S. Your puppies got their pawprints on your name, sorry baby! Silly puppies! They don't like the cold very much! Especially not Pepper! He shivers out there! Deputy doesn't mind as much but he'd rather be inside with Mommy and Daddy.