Baby's first 4th of July

Hi baby,
This is the last of your "first holidays". It would be your first 4th of July. I bet your favorite holiday would be 4th of July since it is in your birth month. That is why Mommy's favorite holiday was Easter, since it was usually in April like my birthday. Would you be afraid of fireworks, baby? Maybe not this year... maybe this year you would be mesmerized by the lights. Maybe you'd even fall asleep in Mommy's arms because we kept you up so late. Silly baby, you can sleep through anything! I bet next year, at almost 2, you would be terrified out of your mind! Poor Kathlyn. But Mommy doesn't have to worry about that, because I know you're never terrified or scared or sad or lonely where you are.

This is the sweet dress Mommy bought for you. I wish I wish I wish you could wear it today. Mommy was silly and bought the same shirts for Daddy and the puppies. They had one for a baby girl too. I wish I could have bought that one. I miss you, sweetheart. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy

11 months

Hi Kitty Cat!
I have been missing you for 11 months. Mommy is so extra sad because after this, it will be more than a year. How could I possibly have been without you for a whole year? I don't even want to spend a minute without you, but a whole entire year! I love you so much Katie. Can you come back for your birthday? Is that allowed? Mommy knows it's not. But I wish I wish I wish. Send me lots of pink this month so I have lots of things to show to all your memorial birthday guests.
It's so hot here where Mommy and Daddy are. I wish I could take you to the pool and pick out a sweet little bathing suit for you. I wish I could put hairbows and sundresses on you.. you would be the cutest little girl there ever was in the history of the universe! That's right, YOU! What a lucky Mommy I am to have such a beautiful girl, but so unlucky that I didn't get to raise you. I know you are safe where you are, though. Do you get to dress up with hairbows and dresses where you are? Remember, Mommy has lots of questions, baby girl. There is no question about how much I love you though, forever and ever. Kisses to the sky princess, just for you, and a few extras for Sissy. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Father's Day

Hi Baby,
Please give your Granddaddy kisses today... one from you, one from me, and one from Gram. And I hope you send something special to Daddy today so he knows you're ok. Miss you more than the whole world, Katie-cat... yes I do, I miss your kisses, giggles tickles, and your sweet face. You are still my baby.

Love you forever,
Mommy

10 months

Oh Kathlyn,
We are so close to your birthday now. I just can't believe it. On one hand, it seems like you've been gone for years, and on the other, it seems like last week. Time doesn't make sense to me anymore baby.. time is just defined as "without you" and it doesn't matter how long it's been. Time without you hurts Mommy's heart so very much.

I took out one of your paci's... I don't really know why... and put it on the end table. Now every time I walk by, I think "oh, so that's what it looks like to have baby stuff around the house!" I have one of your paci's in my car too baby, so I don't know why this one is catching my attention so much, since I see the one in the car every day. It makes me want to ask Daddy to put your carseat back in there, to keep the door to your room open, to put your swing and bouncy seat in the living room, and your bottles in the dishwasher. A beautiful baby belongs here, safe in this house, but she's somewhere else. Still safe, still my baby, but somewhere else. Somewhere her Mommy and Daddy are not, and so sad without her.

Kisses to the sky for you and Sissy, today and every day.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Granddaddy's Birthday

Hi Kathlyn,
Today is a very special day... make sure you give Granddaddy so many kisses today for his birthday! I know he is so happy to have you there to help him celebrate. I know he holds on to you as tightly as he can! Yes he does baby girl! Mommy wishes she was there to be right in the middle of a hug so full of perfect love.

Show him this, Kathlyn. Did he send this to me? I saw it the other day. May is Granddaddy's month.. so of course I would see this in May!



Show him this too. I found it today, and it's perfect because it has a Granddad, Gram, and 7 little grandbunnies.. 5 boys and 2 girls, just like our family! Reed, Christian, Sawyer, Will, Aaron, Sydney, and YOU! And I think that pretty red balloon in the corner is for Cherry.



Or maybe you don't have to show him. Maybe he shows everything to you, because you're just a baby, and you can't read yet. I bet that is your special time with Granddaddy, when he reads you Mommy's letters. Remember my love, Mommy doesn't understand what it's like where you are. Are you almost 10 months old now, baby? Or are you still a newborn? Do you know how to crawl yet? Or walk? Have you known how since you got to heaven? What about Granddad, is he 54 like when he died? Or is he 61 now? Or is he a different age? I wish I understood, Kathlyn. I wish I was there with you, and Granddad, and little Cherry too.



I've been watching Kylie grow the way that you would be. Yesterday she was wearing one of your outfits again. So cute! I wish you were here to wear these things. But I am glad to see what you might look like in them through your sweet friend Kylie. She's crawling now! It makes me wonder if you'd be crawling behind her. Two little best friends. How cute you would be together. Mommy gets so sad for what might have been. But Mommy needs the reminders that you have everything you need and more where you are. Mommy is the one missing out. And Daddy. And Kylie. And everyone else who would have known you. We are missing out, not my sweet Kathlyn, who is safe, warm, and so very loved where she is. That's right! You have the love of Jesus right next to you, who loves you more than anyone could. Even Mommy! That is hard to believe, because I love you SO SO SO MUCH baby girl! But I have to believe it's true so I can survive without you. My sweet little angel forever, you are still my baby.

Love you always,
Mommy

Balloon Release

For Kathlyn & Cherry.

Love you forever,
Mommy

Mother's Day

Hi little girl,
Mommy misses you so much! Today is Mother's Day, but that doesn't really matter to Mommy. I love and miss you and ache for you every day. You are still my baby, and I am still your Mommy. Give all your great-grandmas a kiss today, and thank them for helping to take care of you. You were named after them! And give Granddaddy a kiss from Gram.. she misses him on Mother's Day too. And send me a kiss, Kathlyn, today and every day.

Love you forever,
Mommy